Scribble

But Me.   See I'm one of those stories you hear so much about I was bullied in grade-school Called a freak, and a weirdo Again in middle school Called a dyke, and an emo slut Then in high-school While the nicknames were over and done with I was still treated less Less than everyone else Because I couldn't get the grades to beat their race for the best GPA And after awhile while I struggled against the over-bearing weight of my classmates and my family to succeed and to achieve I couldn't see myself clearly anymore I looked in the mirror and didn't see me Didn't see a human Didn't see anything but worthless I was called stupid I was called undeserving of this education And not just once, by my own tongue Of this life And they told me that if I couldn't step up, I better get the fuck out Or I'd be kicked out Of that school So I stopped trying to love myself Stupidly I stopped trying to prove to myse...

Realizing I think it hit me When I realized That I wanted to have my hand on his shoulder My head nuzzled into his arm My arms around him I think I recognized it When I thought How wonderful it would be if our fingers interlocked If he leaned down to kiss me Or randomly hug me out of nowhere I think I thought it When I opened my eyes And I really looked at him Looking at me How perfectly happy he looks I think I understood When I imagined Seeing him smile because of something I did Hearing that laugh His eyes hiding behind his arm I think I got it Before I started writing this That if he was around I would be happy Because I wanted him here -Ella

Sometimes it happens where there is a loud noise. Sometimes when I stand up abruptly. Sometimes when I'm driving and I see something that makes me panic quickly. Sometimes when I'm stressed. Sometimes it's just random and subtle. When it's subtle, it's like a wave. A slow and short wave of light-headedness, my body feels soft, and slightly weightless. I feel a momentary sense of displacement and then I'm back and I can concentrate just fine. Sometimes it takes longer for me to get back. It's scarier when it lasts longer, because I can't concentrate on anything much more than the fact that I feel like I'm floating in my head. I know when it's happening, so there is a change in my psyche and I've learned that it's better to stay very still when it happens. When it's normal, I feel like I was just struck by something, my heart beat quickens, my body slows, my mind feels sluggish and my whole body feels weightless like my head...